


Stitches in my side

by twistedturns



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:18:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4505661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedturns/pseuds/twistedturns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake as FBI agent who was sent to ptotect the informant and Clarke Griffin as mob doctor who decided to come clean about her working for the mafia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They know

**Author's Note:**

> This story came out of a sudden thought about how would it look like if good and evil were twisted and Clarke and Bellamy were on the completely different sides with Clarke being on the wrong side for all the right reasons and Bellamy being on the right side for all the wrong reasons. Everything might change or it might not, quite honestly, I'm not absolutely sure how the story ends. We'll see where it leads.  
> Anyway I hope you like it, you're very welcome to leave your comments and suggestions. I have nothing against constructive criticism ;)

“They know.” Said the sharp voice right near her ear. She almost jumped as she didn’t anyone to in the supply closet this early, but Clarke manages not to show that she wasn’t prepared for the intrusion. Even without turning and facing the person behind her she could tell that he didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and expected everyone to follow the rules, but what the heck does he want from her?

“Excuse me?” She turned abruptly, raised an eyebrow and stared into the eyes of a man whom she has never seen in her life. He must have mistaken her for someone else or it was some weird line in order to get her attention. By the looks of the man she could tell that he didn’t have a problem with getting some girl’s phone number, any girl’s in fact. He was good-looking, confident and dangerous, the type she knew so well and knew it was better to run as fast as possible.

“The family knows.” He said with a sign as if she didn’t figure out an obvious thing. “They know that you decided to testify against them so we have to move you to a safe location, of course, unless you want to end up with a bullet hole in your head within the next 24 hours.” The man looked at her as if she was a five-year-old to whom he had the inconvenience of explaining that the planet Earth is round and is turning around the sun. But Clarke didn’t care about his facial expression or how highly he thought of her mental abilities, she just realised that the Jaha family knew that she was going to betray them. She spent the past six years working for them, she was loyal and never showed that she was planning for the past couple of month to hand them to the FBI. Looking back now she never thought that she would be natural at lying, but she didn’t really have a choice and couldn’t tell her colleagues and friends that she was a mob doctor and not only because they would end up dead but also because she was afraid to say that out loud as if it wasn’t real until it was said. She was lying to everyone she knew for different reasons, but that didn’t matter right now, though Clarke did wonder what gave her away. She was careful as usual, she acted natural, she did her best not to indicate her involvement with the FBI investigation of the Jaha family. Well, apparently it wasn’t enough.

“How? I didn’t compromise myself.” The look on the man’s face showed how tired he was of her and how glad he was to be stuck with her. Someone would be running for his life right now but Clarke wanted to know what blew her cover. “And who the heck are you?” Clarke made a step back thinking that she could run to the reception and ask for help but it was the early hours and the hospital was almost empty, besides how could she explain the presence of a tall dark-haired stranger?

“FBI. Agent Blake. I have to deliver you to a secure location and make sure you don’t catch a bullet or run away.” One step towards and he grabbed her hand near the elbow seeing that she was about to make another step away from him and possibly make a run for it. Clarke wasn’t sure whether she could trust agent Blake, she wasn’t even sure whether she really wanted to testify against Jahas, but she was sure that she didn’t like agent Blake at first sight.

“Why would I trust you?” She tried getting out of his grip but it only tightened. “You might have been seen to kill me or to find out what I know and then kill me.” Clarke looked daggers at the man thinking how she could have gotten herself into a situation like this. When she left Denver for med school she thought she was going to save lives and do good. She was amazingly naïve.

“I could show you my badge or we could wait for Jaha’s guys to show up and point a gun at you, sweetheart. I get that you are way in over your head and in your pink shiny world you could settle the dispute peacefully, but in the real world, princess, they will settle it with you in the ground. You’re a fucking mob doctor, you know what they do to rats, for fuck’s sake, you’ve been working for them for the better half of a decade. I can knock you out, tie you up and bring you to safety, but I’m giving you a choice, so say ‘thank you’ and get moving.” He must be kidding her. Didn’t they teach manners at Quantico or at least adequate verbal communication?

“Listen to me, asshole, I’m not a doll that you can put in a trunk and forget about. And the last time I checked you need me or Jaha family walks and continues terrorizing the city, without my testimony you have nothing. Yes, everyone knows that they smuggle drugs in the country and everyone knows they sell guns. For your interest, they have been doing this since late 80’s and have been walking free. So, honey, you need me even more than I need you.” By the time she was done with her tirade, Clarke managed to get hand free and was now pointing her finger right into Blake’s chest, she didn’t even notice that she managed to corner him. She was pissed and scared for her life and she has been feeling like that for ages and, honestly speaking, Clarke was tired of looking over her shoulder, of lying, of living a double life and not living fullt. Jahas ordered her around as if she wasn’t a top doctor among her colleagues but as if she was a waitress and she was done to listening to people what the heck she has to do. She was top of her class, half of the clinics offered her residency, she was good, she could become the best one day and she was done.

“Are you done with your tantrum, princess?” She was surprised by his smirk. She expected another monologue on how close she was to not seeing another sunset, but Blake was trying hard not to laugh. Clarke hoped she was intimidating. She was used to people listening to her, but not this asshole, of course, cause the feds sent the one guy that made her want to forget all about the Hippocratic oath and just strangle him. “Yes, the bureau needs you, there’s no case without your testimony, but might I remind you that you are a mob doctor, sweetheart, and you have been one for six straight years. Hell, you grew up in the neighborhood controlled by the Jahas, according to our data you celebrated Thanksgiving at each other’s’ places, so don’t act as if you’re innocent and just got caught up with bad people. You grew up with them, you came back to Denver though you had other options, but then when you understood that FBI was closing in on the family, you decided that you don’t want to spend the next decade in a prison cell so you turned on your friends, on your family. They are your family, aren’t they? I mean this is how it goes with the mob, so, princess, you are a traitor, a rat that decided to run from a sinking ship. And don’t get me wrong, I probably would have made the same choice, we’re human after all and self-preservation comes first, but at the end of the day you’re just a rat.” His words don’t touch her, nothing she didn’t say to herself. It’s the fact that he thinks he knows her, he thinks he understands her and her reasons that pisses Clarke off. He knows nothing about her and highly probably won’t ever, he has some picture of her in his head and he will stick to it. To hell with him. She doesn’t owe him an explanation or anyone for that matter.

“Lovely to know how highly you think of me. Does the rest of the FBI share your point of you? But I guess you people are used to getting in bed with mobsters after all how many murderers, money launderers, thieves and other lovely people you moved to witness protection because they helped you get the bigger fish to fry? I don’t give a fuck, honestly. But listen to me, Blake, you don’t know me. Don’t assume that you’ve read my file and now you know everything.” She might dissect him right here and right now, but she has to think about survival and bigger picture. Clarke makes a step back, closes her eyes and breathers in and out deeply. This technique usually helped when she felt nervous about a surgery, exam or the shady deals with Jahas. Mind over matter. She desperately needs not to kill agent Blake. If she does, her deal with the US government will be just a memory and she’ll find herself in a maximum security prison, but, on the other hand, she will be fine, after all she does work for one the America’s most infamous criminal and they value that behind bars. “Shall we go? Or do you have to threaten and scare someone else?” She opened her eyes and looked at the agent with all the contempt she could manage.

“Are you scared of me, doctor Griffin?” Another smirk. He wishes. She stares at him wishing she was like Medusa and could kill with just a gaze. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. “You need to get changed and lose everything that can reveal your location. And I mean everything beginning with your credit card and mobile phone. And no, I don’t care that you have pictures of your boyfriend on your phone and you want to stare at them all night long.” Who the heck does he think she is? A fifteen-year-old with a boy crush? She needs to retract her statement about him easily getting girls, as far as she can judge, no sane girl would even sit next to him let alone date him.

“Fine. Wait for me near the back entrance.” She was about to walk out of the supply closet when he grabbed her by the elbow. “Do you know anything about personal space? Who are you? A Mowgli?” She turned sharply and faced Blake, there was no space between them and the air was electrolyzed. Agent Blake and doctor Griffin looked at each other with a clear desire to snap the other one’s neck.

“I’ll repeat especially for you.” His voice was cold and threatening, but she didn’t even flinch. There was a time when she would have been intimidated by someone like him, but in the past couple of years she was threatened with a gun every other Tuesday, so she got used to it. “The mob knows about your plans to testify, they have sent guys to kill you, they might already be in the hospital and I’m here to protect you.” He fell silent and stared down at her. “God how did you manage to graduate from the country’s top university if you can’t figure out and remember simple things?” There was a flicker of interest in his eyes, but it was gone in half a second and Clarke told herself that it was just a mirage. After all she was exhausted after a 24-hour shift and expecting for the past four months that someone would find out that she decided to turn on the family and kill her.

“You’ll draw too much attention. How am I supposed to explain to the staff that I have a guy attached to my hip? Besides you need to make sure that no one’s waiting at the entrance.” He was surprised that she could actually think rationally. By now Blake decided that she is braindead. Lovely, but she didn’t care.

“Who is going to protect you if they are already in the building?” She almost thought he was worried for her, but then Clarke remembered that she was just means to an end.

“I can take care of myself. I’m pretty sure that I know this hospital far better than those mobsters and you. And if you are so worried, you can give me a gun.” She meant that only as a joke since Clarke didn’t like guns and preferred to leave without spilling any blood, but Blake looked at her like he didn’t believe her and was about to laugh. “You’re caring .40 caliber SIG in the holster on your right and a Glock on your right ankle. What? I do work for the mob.” She threw back her head and looked at Blake as if he was braindead. Clarke did learn quite a number of useful things while working for the Jaha family and not only how to get a bullet out of someone without any equipment, she wasn’t proud of it but she knew she had to survive somehow.

“I’m not going to give you a government issued gun, but fine, you can go alone. You have five minutes or I’m going to kill you myself.” She highly doubted that but decided to let it go in order not to waste time. If agent Blake did kill her, he would be fired at the very least.

“Five minutes. Got it. I’ll try to get my evening dress and heels on in time.” She turned away from him and walked away, hoping that no one is luring behind the corner. Honestly speaking, there was nothing new in that. Clarke was expecting another one of Jaha guys to show at the place of her employment to get her and deliver her to another bleeding criminal any day of the week. Last year she was afraid that the police would find out her involvement with the mob, this year she was afraid that the mob will find out about her decision to testify. Well, at least she didn’t lead a boring life, she could probably right a book. That’s, of course, if she survives.

“This is going to be hell of a ride.” Agent Blake said watching doctor Griffin leaving him. How he was so lucky that he got stuck with the most annoying woman on the planet Earth? He spent with her ten minutes and he already wanted to sedate her and he had to spend the next couple of days stuck with her. Bellamy thought about sedating her or himself, at this point any option would work.


	2. Takes one to know one

Bellamy ran his fingers over the steering wheel and glanced at the back door of the hospital wondering what the hell was taking doctor Griffin so long. A lot was rolling on this. His future, his career, the future of this city and her life but apparently she was putting make-up on or doing her hair. The man signed deeply, closed his eyes and tried counting to ten so he would calm down and wouldn’t kill the blonde doctor before they even left Denver.

He was under lots of pressure and he understood that she was in no place better, but still Bellamy couldn’t help feeling pissed off around her. It seemed as if she didn’t work for the mob for a better half of a century and had no idea what was coming at her, maybe she was just in shock. Though Clarke was holding her shit together pretty well, he would even admit this. When he saw her picture he first thought that she was a naïve girl that has fallen in love with a wrong man who dragged her into criminal world and now she had no other choice but to work for the mafia. It turned out that she joined the Jaha family on its quest to terrorize the city quite willingly. At least according to her file, but Bellamy guessed that there was a lot to discover about doctor Griffin and her reasons. After all they all have secrets.

Finally the back door opened and Clarke showed on the threshold holding a bag, wearing a dress and looking as if she was on walk not running for her life.

“Did you take a nap, princess?” Bellamy asked as soon as the door of the car opened. He had a feeling that the mobsters were chasing him and not her, since she didn’t look a little bit worried. She looked as if she was taking a trip to the countryside in her white dress with flower print on it. “And just for the record, we aren’t going for a picnic or wedding in Hamptons.” He started the car as soon as the woman got in it and closed the door. He didn’t see anyone lurking around but it’s better to be safe than sorry, besides at this point Bellamy was eager to get rid of doctor Griffin at the first possibility.

“It took me time to say ‘goodbye’ to my colleagues and explain why I had to leave early, I didn’t want to worry them, besides..” He could see that she looked rather depressed. Apparently she just realized that this is the last time she was driving through the streets of Denver, walking the halls of Denver Memorial Hospital or seeing her colleagues, he almost felt sorry for her, but preferred to keep driving. He wasn’t her friend or boyfriend, he could barely tolerate her, his job was to protect her from bullets not heartaches. “And this dress was the only one I had with me. I don’t have a wardrobe in the hospital. And why on earth do I even explain myself to you?” Bellamy could feel that she was tired, angry and willing to pick a fight, but for the first time in their short relationship he decided not to answer and just drive silently. He didn’t want to pick fights, after all they had a long road ahead of them.

“You can sleep if you want to. I know you had a long shift.” He said after they reached the highway. She looked at him confused and Bellamy couldn’t help but laugh. “Relax, I don’t care about your well-being but we need you not to fall asleep in the court. And if you’re worried that I might be a serial killer, you don’t have anywhere to run to.” Clarke still looked suspicious which was rather amusing. He might even endure her if she keeps silent, of course.

“Fine. I’ll take a nap.” Bellamy almost rolled his eyes. The mob doctor was sure that she was doing him a favour. “Could you turn on the music? I sleep better this way.” He turned on the radio and regulated the volume so the songs’ words would be understandable. Bellamy looked over at Clarke once in a while to make sure that she was asleep.

“Just where exactly are we going? And how long will it take us?” She woke up about an hour later and judging by her look Clarke didn’t really rest, but she had enough energy to question him. Did he imagined it or did he hear a hint of worry in her voice? Bellamy wondered how did it feel like to work for the mob and then decide to roll on them, she must have been afraid of her own shadow. He could understand that, he could even feel compassionate towards her but that wasn’t among his instructions. He was merely a driver and a bodyguard, he will leave her at the destination and he will go on with his life. He couldn’t care for Clarke Griffin. He couldn’t even let himself think that there was something beyond her blonde hair and a degree from Stanford. She was just means to an end.

“Agent Blake?” He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that couldn’t hear her, by the look on her face that wasn’t the first time she tried to get his attention. Bellamy didn’t want to talk. Job doesn’t talk. Maybe it was a great idea to lock her in the trunk.

“Bellamy is fine. If you address me ‘agent’ everyone will know that I’m a fed. And if anyone asks, we’re a couple, this won’t raise any questions.” Bellamy looked only on the road but could vividly picture the expression on her face that clearly stated that she was about to have a say. “We don’t need to attract attention. How do you explain a man and o woman on the road together? Don’t get me wrong, sweetheart, I wouldn’t want to date you, but don’t worry it has nothing to do with you, just with your employer.” Bellamy looked at her for a second and smirked. Doctor Griffin looked upset. Her expected her to look pissed, what was so upsetting in his words?

“Eyes on the road. You keep looking at me and Jaha’s guys won’t have to kill me.” He turned back to the road; thankfully the roads were still empty due to the fact that it was barely dawn and a Sunday. “You’re not the only one that wouldn’t want to get involved with me. Well, it’s a lie, they would, it’s just that people soon realise that I have way too many secrets and I’m too closed to get into a relationship.” He would stare at her blankly if he wasn’t behind the wheel. He read her file, he studied her. Clarke Griffin didn’t open up, especially not to strangers, especially not to the ones that piss her off. “What? I can’t be honest? We have about 24 hours together and after that we won’t probably see each other, since you’re not one of the agents assigned to the Jaha case, you won’t be around for the trial, will you?” Bellamy gazed at her for a couple of second. Clarke Griffin was something, he couldn’t deny that even if he wanted to.

“We all keep our secrets. But that’s what makes us interesting, isn’t it?” Bellamy could definitely relate to the inability to have a relationship. He couldn’t even keep his friends and, therefore, didn’t even dreaming of having a steady relationship with a woman. Even when people didn’t know he was lying about everything starting with his place of employment, they felt that there was something off. He could disappear for weeks and come back with bullet scars on his chest, not many people wanted to tolerate that, actually no one. It was a hard and lonely life, but whose isn’t?

“Definitely. I could write a book about my breathtaking life.” She smirked but Bellamy could feel the grief behind her easy tone. What secrets does she keep? Why does he even care?

“Maybe that’s how you will earn your first million. Could you imagine the newspapers and magazines saying ‘brilliant doctor turned bestselling author’?” By the look on her face Bellamy could tell that she wasn’t amused, but he had a feeling that it had nothing to do with him but with the presented perspective. “Returning to your question, our final destination is Washington DC, but we will have to stay off the radar for a while because the court is only on Friday.”

“With you? I will have to stay with you?” Clarke looked so puzzled that Bellamy had to stop himself from laughing.

“Princess, I’m hurt! You don’t want to spend time with me? I’m so charming and handsome, who wouldn’t?” He shifted from the serious and self-disciplined behavior that he displayed earlier hoping that Clarke would relax as well.

“Stop it. Stop trying to make it better. It sucks. There is a very high chance that I won’t get out alive. Even if I make it to the court, the Jahas will want to kill me afterwards. They don’t forget or forgive, I will have a target on my back for the next decade at least. The least you could do is not be so childish. This is my life and you’re making jokes.” Bellamy knew that she wasn’t angry at him, at least not as much as she was angry at the whole predicament, but still he couldn’t stop himself from putting her into place. For fuck’s sake he was trying to protect her, she should be grateful.

“Sweetheart, I was serious with you and you thought I was joking and now I’m being lighter and you still don’t like it.  Yes, there’s a great chance that neither of us will make it out alive but I’m trying to make it a little bit better for both you and me. You’ve been worried sick for the past years, don’t you want to relax a little bit? We’re all going to die one day, let’s enjoy it while it lasts.” By the end of his speech Bellamy managed to calm down a little bit and now was speaking in a calm and friendly voice. She pissed him off, he started thinking that it was intentional but he couldn’t let himself get caught up in a quarrel with her.

“Relax? I’ve been leading a double life for the past six years. I am doctor Griffin and the Denver Memorial Hospital and the mob doctor for Jaha family, I have been looking over my shoulder long before the deal with the FBI came. There’s no relaxation. This is the end for me. I won’t be able to make a career in medicine because one picture in the magazine and the whole world knows where the woman that sold the mob works. It’s over for me. I can’t go back and there’s nothing for me in the future. I played my cards the right way, but still I lost. But you know what relaxes me, agent Blake? I don’t give a fuck. I’m not a freshman at Stanford wanting to save the world anymore. I don’t have any dreams left, I’m not even sure I had any. I’m leaving the only family I ever knew, I’m leaving my home and everyone I knew. I testify and you can as well burn my house to the ground. I’m not testifying against the Jaha family because I want out, I’m testifying because they crossed a line, they made me cross one too. I don’t like the person I became. I always knew what good and evil are, but now I understand that I have been choosing evil for half a decade. You know what’s the funniest thing, Bellamy? I would do it all again. Guess I’m that fucked up.” He kept silent for a while, maybe just a couple of seconds which felt like an hour.

“What happened to you? Who fucked you up this much?” Bellamy realized that he said that out loud only when the words were said. He almost opened his mouth to retract his questions but Clarke looked at him with a sad smile and answered.

“My parents.” He didn’t know what to say. Tell her the screwed up story of his life? Tell her that their parents didn’t define them? Their choices didn’t matter? They could change? Break the cycle? It was a waste of time. They both knew that it would be a lie.

“You are almost out of gas and I need a snack, there will be a gas station in about half a mile.” Clarke changed subject abruptly and didn’t look as if she wanted to continue their conversation. There was nothing he could say that would make it better. But why did he even want to? “Don’t even think of it.” She looked calm and her tone was cold, Bellamy felt as if Clarke was miles away from him which was probably right. “Don’t say anything. I don’t need your sympathy, besides I’m pretty sure you have a pretty fucked up story of yours. What? I’m fucked up. Takes one to know one.” Bellamy once again thought that it was going to be a hell of a ride. She got under his skin in a couple of hours and they needed to spend almost a week together. Why on earth did he volunteer for this job? They said that he would have to pick up a pretty doctor and deliver her, nothing more. If Bellamy Blake believed in fate, he would have thought that his and Clarke Griffin’s collision was inevitable. Fortunately or not, he never tired himself with the thoughts about destiny.

“Okay. Just be quick. We’re still way too close to Denver.” He turned right and drove to the gas station. Clarke left the car as soon as he started pulling up. Bellamy almost thought that she couldn’t handle being in such small space with him. That’s bullshit. He was a delivery guy assigned to protect her and not let her run to Mexico or wherever, she was a parcel. He had to repeat it to himself. But as Bellamy was looking at the cars flashing by he knew he was a liar. He was lying to Clarke. He was lying to himself. But it didn’t matter, no matter what effect she had on him, he had a job to do.

Bellamy wondered what would happen if they met in another circumstances. How it would have gone? But that again there was no ‘what if’ and another universe Bellamy Blake is completely different as is Clarke Griffin. Like she said there’s no future, but not only for her, for him as well. He knew how the story of agent Blake ended, he ran out of his luck. That’s probably what was similar between him and Clarke.

He couldn’t help but wonder what actually happened between Clarke and her parents, how did she end up breaking the law, how did she end up turning to the authorities. She was interesting and captivating but in the end it still didn’t matter. They were pawns, useful, of course, but still only pawns. Clarke didn’t even realise what she got herself into by deciding to get in bed with the Bureau.


	3. You can just be yourself

Clarke was looking absentmindedly at the man behind the cash register who was screening her purchases. He was looking as if he would like to be anywhere but here. She understood him completely, but her options were even more limited than the man’s. Clarke tried to shake off the uneasy feeling. She didn’t like to be felt sorry for and she didn’t want to feel sorry for herself. She got into this predicament all by herself. Whatever agent Blake thought about her reasons for working for the mob, he was wrong.

Doctor Griffin was almost sure that he thought that she had no choice, that she perhaps fell in love with a wrong person or just felt compassionate towards the Jaha family since she grew up next to them. He was all wrong about her and she had neither time nor energy to convince him otherwise because like she told him a little while earlier they would soon part their ways and forget all about each other.

Clarke wondered what was ahead for her if there was anything. She was no longer astonished by the fact that she wasn’t all that worried about her future. She spent her entire time at school and afterwards university worrying about things that right now seemed so insignificant. Quite honestly she was exhausted and felt as if she was looking from afar at what was happening with her life while not being able to change a thing. She felt helpless and this decision to testify was the only thing she could do to prove to herself that she had it all in control, that she had influence left. Agent Blake thought that she simply wanted to save herself, but he was wrong. Clarke was too tired to think of self-preservation.

“Forty seven dollars and twenty seven cents.” The man’s voice brought Clarke back to reality. She opened her wallet. She was cautious and threw away all her credit cards, her mobile phone, even her work pass back at the hospital so that no one could trace her. She didn’t even feel sad about leaving it all behind, there was no longer anyone left whose voice she would like to hear. Of course, she had acquaintances whom she want to movies with, colleagues with whom she went to lunch with, even guys that she sort of dated, but Clarke was keeping everyone at arm’s length.

The blonde handed over a 50 dollar banknote and waited for the man to count the change. Thankfully she had enough cash with her due to the fact that she preferred not to pay with cards. Guess work for the mob did have effect on her, it made her paranoid. But like they say only the paranoid survive. It made Clarke wonder how she managed to stay away from meds and not end up in a psych ward. Well, the night’s still young.

“Thank you.” Clarke said as the man handed her two bags with bottles of water, orange juice, chips, sandwiches, chocolate bars and some other food as well as two paper cups of double espresso. She automatically smiled at the man which earned her ‘have a good day’ and left the shop.

Judging by the look on agent Blake’s face, he was waiting for her for at least an hour. Clarke was absolutely sure that it didn’t take her more than ten minutes. She asked herself whether anything pleased this man or it was just her who made him so aggravated.

“Do you always look that grumpy? No one is dead, yet at least. Cheer up, agent Blake.” Clarke was rather tired of the fact that agent Blake was always in a bad mood. Maybe that had something to do with her. Clarke understood that her presence might not excite him, she knew exactly how she looked in the eyes of feds, but still he could pretend or just be polite. It’s not like she was asking him to exchange friends forever bracelets, drink margaritas, watch ‘Criminal Minds’ together and braid each other’s hair. The picture before Clarke’s eyes almost made her smile.

“The key word is yet. What took you so long? And why do we need this much food? Are you planning on feeding the starving population of South Africa?” He piling up questions but it didn’t look like Bellamy actually waited for an answer from her. In his eyes Clarke’s every move was wrong which simply meant that she won’t waste her time convincing him otherwise. The man started the car providently eyeing the gas station in case anyone looked a little bit suspicious.

Clarke handed him the coffee cup without saying a word, not even acknowledging the fact that agent Blake suspected it was poisoned. After eyeing the cup for a minute, he finally took it and spoke through clenched teeth. The blonde was sure it was a ‘thank you’.

Thankfully agent Blake didn’t plan on socializing anymore so their conversation, if their exchange could be called one, trailed off and Clarke dozed off for a while.

“Why are you here?” Clarke finally broke silence after a couple of hours. She decided not to acknowledge the fact that they had a dispute the last time they talked or that agent Blake had no idea what a proper adult conversation was like.

Her whole body felt sore from sleeping in a sitting position but it was better than nothing, the last time she slept was the day before yesterday. Fortunately, she was pretty good at falling asleep practically anywhere. Before starting her internship at the Denver Memorial Hospital doctor Griffin managed to fall asleep only on a soft bed with at least two pillows and a blanket, but when you complete a ten-hour surgery, you don’t care whether you fall asleep in a toilet or a king-sized bed.

“Why I am on this highway? Why I am living in United States? Why I am on this Earth?” Agent Blake didn’t even look at her, he was so focused on the road that Clarke almost believed that there was something interesting there. But the traffic wasn’t heavy, they were practically alone on the road so his interest was most definitely fake. Perhaps he didn’t want to engage in a conversation but Clarke couldn’t entertain herself with landscapes anymore.

“Why did they choose you to accompany me?” Clarke managed not to roll her eyes, though she knew that he was smart enough to know exactly what she wanted to know.

“I volunteered.” Doctor Griffin didn’t even try to hide her surprise and stared at the man in disbelief. “I have no ties to your case, so the Jaha family and those loyal to them won’t make me as an agent. They know all the agents working the case.” Bellamy had a fixed look and she suspected that he was trying to figure out whether he should explain his words or not. “They know it because we have a rat. That’s how they knew about you, that’s why we had to get you out of Denver so early.” Clarke thought she didn’t hear him correctly, his voice was impassive as if he was telling her that it might rain or the local bakery was out of croissants. Rat? What the heck he was talking about? “How did you think they managed to operate this long? Or how do you think they knew about your plans? There’s a rat at the Bureau which is normal. Everyone has a price, princess. You of all people should know this.” Bellamy looked at her just for a second but there was no condemnation in his eyes. That surprised Clarke, a lot. There was a hint of understanding or maybe she just imagined things.

“Do you?” She wasn’t planning on acknowledging the fact that she sold herself. They both knew it and she didn’t care about the reminders. Bellamy didn’t say anything for a minute or so, Clarke was almost sure that he won’t answer her question when he finally opened his mouth.

“Like I said everyone has a price. I’m only human, Clarke.” That was the first time that her called her by her name which felt strange almost as strange as the sudden interest that she felt.

“I thought you were going to sell me a story how you plan on making the world a better place.” He was a federal agent, he must have joined FBI because he believed in the greater good, wanted to save people.

“I wish. But I don’t believe the world needs saving, the world is okay, it’s the people that are the problem.” Clarke wasn’t sure whether she liked the turn their conversation was taking but, on the other hand, she couldn’t talk to anyone without pretending to be someone she is not. She was living a lie for such a long time, it was nice not to pretend and not to be judged. The blonde remembered the agents she dealt with before. They used her to pin down the Jahas, but given the chance they would throw her into a prison cell as well. Agent Blake wasn’t like them. It felt almost as if he understood her. “You learn rather quickly that the world isn’t black and white and something what you considered evil in fact has thousand shades to it. Or maybe that’s the lies we tell ourselves to help us sleep at night.” He smiled in a sad way. Clarke wished she could get inside his head and find out what was going on in his head. “Stop it, Clarke. Don’t try to get under my skin.” Apparently he felt her trying to uncover his thoughts. Clarke held her gaze a couple of seconds and then turned away focusing on the road.

“Fine. Than answer my questions honestly and I’ll answer yours.” She surprised even herself with the offer. Maybe she was bored, maybe she wanted to get to know agent Blake, maybe she was just savouring the opportunity to be herself. Maybe it was all of the above.

“I’m hell of a liar and so are you.” That was probably the most honest thing he said.

“Exactly. A liar always knows the other liar. I’ll even let you start first.” Questions about her motives circled inside Clarke’s head. She lost the ability to understand herself a long time ago, sometimes it felt like she wasn’t leading a double life, it felt like she was two people.

“Have you ever thought of getting a pet?” She must be imaging things, but Bellamy was looking serious. Nonetheless, Clarke laughed.

“Of all the questions you could have asked you chose this one?” She managed to collect herself after laughing hysterically for a minute. Agent Blake only shook his shoulders. “Yes, a couple of times. Dreamt of getting a Belgian Malinois, but with the long hours at work it’s impossible to have a dog or a pet.” She decided not to mention that her mother was rather strict when it came to pets and didn’t want a huge dog ruining her furniture and bringing dirt into the house. Clarke didn’t talk about her family with anyone, even with a person that wouldn’t care and therefore judge her.

“I love shepherds.” Was the only answer she got.

“Do you have any siblings?” Doctor Griffin decided to go with this one, it just popped in her head.

“A little obvious, don’t you think?” Bellamy looked at her and smirke.

“You read my file and the only thing I know about you that you’re Bellamy Blake, you work for the FBI.” And that he is a great liar, but beyond this he was a man without any past, any baggage, at least to her.

“That’s fair. Sister. Octavia.” His voice softened just a little.0 “We have a complicated relationship.” Agent Blake added to Clarke’s surprise. If she was him, she would never tell that to a stranger.

“Aren’t all of them complicated? She is younger, isn’t she?” Bellamy looked surprised. “The way you talk about her, the way you said her name indicate that she is younger than you. I’d say about five or six years.” Once again agent Blake was surprised.

“Seven. You’re a doctor but you’re good at reading people.” And also lying and playing a role, she would have made a tremendous criminal.

“Is this a question?” She raised an eyebrow, but answered anyway. “Like you said I’m a doctor, I have to understand whether the patient is telling everything, whether he is truthful about his symptoms, whether the pain exists only in his imagination. Besides you learn to understand how far you are from being put into a grave once you start working for the mob.” Clarke didn’t intend to talk about her close relationship with the mafia, their small talk started simple, but working for the Jahas was a part of her that she couldn’t hide and, honestly speaking, didn’t want to.

“Do you see yourself outside Denver? Happy and relaxed?” Clarke preferred questions about pets, but she was the one who insisted on talking.

“No. The problem isn’t in the fact that they will chase me down or that I will have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. The problem is that I can leave it all behind but I can’t leave myself there.” She ran to Stanford only to return back with a degree and soon enough she was working as a mob doctor. Clarke knew that might live in Denver, or New York, or Sydney, or Berlin, it didn’t matter. She was who she was.

“But still you wouldn’t change a thing.” It was a statement and Clarke didn’t feel the necessity to comment on it, besides what possibly could she say?

“When was the last time you talked to your sister?” Clarke thought this was a safe subject but by the way Bellamy clenched to the wheel she could that she was wrong.

“We talk. We just… It’s just… She just doesn’t approve of what I do.” What could she possibly not approve? Who wouldn’t be proud of her brother being a FBI agent? Clarke looked thoughtfully at the man. She wanted to ask but she was almost sure that she would get no answer, but it was worth trying.

“Why?” Clarke tilted her head to the right and looked at Bellamy once again trying to get inside his head.

“Like I already told you not everything is black and white. It has to do with the reasons for which I went to Quantico in the first place. Octavia understands them but doesn’t accept, but at least we see each other often.” That was rather interesting, but doctor Griffin new for sure that he wouldn’t tell her about his reasons. Not yet at least. Agent Blake proved to be far more interesting than his colleagues.

“How is that?” Clarke came up with a question rather quickly, turning away from Bellamy so not to show her interest.

“She is an agent too.” Two feds for one family that’s rather interesting. Clarke, however, decided not to question agent Blake further. She was pretty sure that he was getting tired of her interrogation. “And she is dating my partner Lincoln.” By the tone of his voice Clarke could guess that Bellamy wasn’t very happy about the situation. “Don’t get me wrong, I know that Lincoln is a great guy but.. She is my baby sister and it’s hard when I know that she is constantly in danger and he’s worrying too. Besides they were hiding from me for like a year.” Bellamy shot the blonde a look, he didn’t mean to say the last sentence, so Clarke decided to be the bigger person and pretend she didn’t hear.

“You’re worried. No matter how complicated your relationship is you care about her. I wish I had that.” Clarke turned away and started looking at the landscapes on her right. She was being honest, she actually wished that she had someone to care for or someone to care about her. It was a lonely life and the one that she chose for herself, so there’s no one to blame but her.

“Well, you had a fiancée not that long ago.” Clarke froze for a couple of seconds. How the fuck did he know? He was FBI, they knew, of course. She needed to relax. She needed to calm down. No one knew anything. If they had anything, those were bare suspicions. Clarke managed to make deep breaths, thinking about what to say. She had to watch her every word, her every facial expression.

“And the key word is ‘had’.” She didn’t give away the fact that she could barely breathe, but she couldn’t give that one away or her testimony will fall. The Bureau will cut her loose if they find out what really happened.

“You know we wanted to approach him at first, actually they did approach him, but he made a run for it, which you know. Sorry, you must be still furious that he left you.” Bellamy looked at the woman with sympathy. So that is what they think happened? He made a run for it? Clarke wished it was true.

“Yeah, I guess Finn is sunbathing on Mexican beaches right now.” Clarke even managed to smile. She would give anything for it to be true.

“Looks like we’re here.” Instead of a question Bellamy announced that they were at the motel.

The sun came down already and it was a rather cool evening. Clarke wanted to sleep and grab a bite perhaps, but she had to wait for agent Blake to go pay for the room and get the key. Finally, they were heading to their room.

Clarke looked at the parking lot making sure they were alone and no one paid too close attention to her and agent Blake. She was still a little bit uneasy about Finn. She knew exactly where he was. If she was a religious person, she would hope that he was in a better place but she knew for sure that her fiancée was nine feet under a construction site where Thelonius Jaha put him exactly seven months ago thinking that Finn Collins was the one planning on turning on him. The most amazing thing was that he never thought it was Clarke. Of course, Thelonius knew about her doubts, but he never thought she would go to the FBI. Not her. Not Clarke. Clarke was family. Her and his son Wells played together as kids, she could never betray them. How naïve of a man smuggling drugs, selling guns to the highest bidder and eliminating the disagreeable ones.

It was a standard motel room with decor that could only be described as tasteless, two beds, two nightstands and a bathroom. Clarke sat on the bed eating a sandwich and facing agent Blake who was on the other bad busy texting someone. Probably his supervisor, letting him know that they were still alive.

“Finn is dead.” Clarke said it quietly but Bellamy heard her distinctively.

“We suspected that.” He didn’t even look away from the phone display.

“Could you not do that? Not say ‘we’? Feels like you’re one of them.” She was feeling angry, which was rather rare lately.

“I’m one of them, Clarke.” Bellamy sighed and continued texting.

“Yes, but we are here. No one is listening. You can just be yourself.” Why did she want to engage into this conversation? Clarke had no idea.

“You want to confess to a murder?” he finally looked away from the phone and even turned it off.

“I didn’t kill him. But I watched him die.” A simple confession that doctor Griffin wanted to make for over half a year.

“Did you kill anyone?” he looked calm, not surprised, maybe a little bit interested.

“What do you think?” She wished she could say ‘no’.

“At least we have something in common.” He smiled in a sad way.

“I wish it was love for burgers.” She wished that met at a cafeteria where she poured coffee on him while trying to get to work faster. “Do you think I can walk away? Start over?” Clarke already knew the answer and she hated lying, but for the first time in a long time she wanted to be lied to.

“I think I asked you roughly the same question and you said ‘no’.” for a great liar agent Blake was doing pretty bad.

“You’re just a ray of sunshine, agent Blake.” Clarke made a face.

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that? My name is Bellamy.” She preferred not to call him by his name, she preferred him not to call her by hers.

“Calling you ‘agent’ makes you less human.” She was truthful once again. She must have been the most honest today in the last six years.

“Are you afraid that you might think I’m way too human?” She was in fact which she wouldn’t admit even to herself.

“Agent.. Bellamy, even if I like you, it doesn’t matter. It all ends on Friday, we will never see each other again or maybe in the court, but still it doesn’t matter. We both know how this story ends.” The level of desperation Clarke felt hit a maximum today.

“Don’t you ever hope that there is something more?” Clarke laughed.

“What? A happy ending? Marrying someone on the beach, riding into the sunset together?” She wasn’t a teenager that hoped for a better life, a better place and a guy to love until the end of times. But she didn’t want to be anyway.

“Maybe. Maybe just not dying before you’re thirty.” He was so serious that it scared Clarke for a bit. “You must have imagined your life with Finn.” The blonde smirked, trying not to laugh.

“It wasn’t like that.” Clarke bargained for a second but decided that she was screwed enough, it didn’t matter. “Our relationship was a fake. He wanted to find out which of the Jaha’s people shot his girlfriend, he wanted to bring down the whole family. She was my friend too and he needed recommendations in the family. An alliance with me got him into the inner circle way faster than climbing the stairs himself. I know that Finn never planned on getting out alive or that’s what I tell myself to help me sleep at night. The moment he offered me a deal and I agreed, his fate was sealed.” She didn’t turn away, she didn’t even blink, Clarke was staring right into Bellamy’s eyes. Agent Blake surprised her by looking as if he understood and felt compassionate towards her. He was human after all and apparently there were layers to him that bad temper.

“What did you get?” Clarke’s eyes showed question. “A deal indicates that both sides get something, so what did you get?” Did it even matter? Couldn’t they discuss their favourite tv series?

“He gave me all the data he managed to retrieve in case he got caught. No, I didn’t plan on rolling on them back then, I just wanted insurance and leverage. What, Bellamy? I’m blonde not dumb. I decided to roll the moment I watched life leave Finn’s body. I loved him as a friend only and was still pissed over the fact that Raven got killed in a shootout. She was an innocent victim, got caught in a crossfire. Well, there are no innocent people but she was compared to the rest of us.” The memories of Raven made Clarke smile. She missed her. She would probably miss her in a lifetime.

“Did you know her?” Clarke expected a lecture, expected to call off the deal, anything but this.

“She worked at a car shop where I repaired my car, we became friends, sort of. I couldn’t afford friends, which she understood. I think she knew all along, but she never asked for an explanation. That what was great about Raven, she understood and accepted you. As for Finn, I didn’t know him before.. It all happened, but Raven was nice, smart and funny and a brilliant mechanic. She didn’t deserve this.” It was nice to talk about Raven. Clarke didn’t tell anyone about their friendship or losing her so suddenly, even with Finn they didn’t talk.

“Do any of us?” For a second Clarke forgot she was in a motel room with a fed and not in the car shop where Raven used to work.

“We get what we deserve. We’re not good people, you and me, Bellamy. We can tell ourselves that we had to make certain choices that they were made for us but that would be a lie. We are who we are.” Clarke stared at Bellamy for a minute, smiled and got up from the bed.

She needed to take a shower and wash away this crazy day and most importantly she needed to stop feeling Bellamy’s eyes on her.


	4. Is something wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologise for how long it took me to write this chapter. I hope you like it ;)

Bellamy stared blankly at the ceiling. He just woke up, but he was already tired and not only because of doctor Griffin. She actually proved to be an interesting person to talk to, however, she managed to get under his skin in less than twenty-four hours. Her behaviour provoked certain feelings in agent Blake. The ones he didn’t want to, neither did he have time to analyse. It would be better if they didn’t talk though he had the instructions to get Clarke Griffin to trust him and find out what she might be hiding. Bellamy could say with certainty ‘a lot’, but what it was exactly he had no idea and he wasn’t sure that he would like to know. Some secrets are better left alone. Besides he already felt way to compassionate towards her and they barely spent a day together. If this went on, they would be besties by Friday. His employers would definitely be proud.  
The other bed, where Clarke was sleeping, creaked and Bellamy turned slightly to the right to check up on doctor Griffin. She was just turning in her sleep. The crazy hours that he pulled as an agent of Federal Bureau of Investigation were nothing compared to the shifts doctors pulled, so she could use the opportunity. Bellamy listened to her breathing for a minute, making sure that Clarke was asleep, and then returned to admiring the ceiling.  
Fucking great. What was next? He would be caring for her? She’s just a job, like a report that needed to be written, printed and handed over to the supervisor. The problem was that she was not just some inanimate object.  
Bellamy had a weird feeling while he was driving from Washington DC to Denver, a feeling that it was the end, he had that same feeling when he laid his eyes on Clarke for the first time. His sixth sense usually worked without a hitch and saved his ass multiple times, but still agent Blake wanted to convince himself that this time it was wrong. Deep down he knew that he ran out of his luck and it was time to pay the bills.  
His phone rang. Bellamy momentarily sat straight on his bed and picked it up glancing briefly at the screen which said ‘Octavia’. He lowered his voice in order not to wake up Clarke.  
“O, is something wrong?” He just couldn’t imagine why his sister would call him at this ungodly hour – it was barely 6 in the morning – if everything was right, besides they only talked when forced. Well, Octavia spoke to Bellamy only when it was absolutely necessary.  
“Can’t I call just to chat?” She couldn’t, at least not now. Before they would easily chat about how their day was going, how much they hated agent Porter who was working for internal affairs and made it his personal purpose to make life of every field agent a living hell.  
“Not in the past seven years.” Bellamy managed to quickly find his shoes, put them on. He got off the bed and went outside, quietly closing the behind. He didn’t want to wake up Clarke and he also didn’t want her to be the witness to his conversation with his sister.  
“It’s not my fault.” Her tone became defensive as it usually would. “The last time I checked I wasn’t the one who sold his soul to the devil or in our case Kane.” Octavia wanted an explanation, she wanted it for the past seven years, but her brother never bothered to give one or so she thought. And Bellamy just didn’t want his sister to blame herself for his choices, whatever he did, he did for his family, for his sister. The only one he got left and he didn’t regret it for a second. In that moment agent Blake understood the woman under his protection completely. He didn’t like the choice he made but he would do it all over again. Guess they are both fucked up.  
“O, I’m preoccupied, could you just cut to the chase?” Bellamy, honestly, didn’t want to provoke his sister, their relationship was already complicated, but he had enough on his plate right now.  
“Why did you go on some secret mission without telling me? I found out about it from Lincoln.” What could he possibly tell his sister? That he wanted to tell her everything, but over the last years learnt not to bother her with his stuff and they just discussed the new regulations, new colleagues or climate change. Safe topics that didn’t include helping a witness getting across the country. Besides he didn’t want to lie to Octavia and he couldn’t be absolutely truthful about the arrangement.  
“It was a last minute trip, I got a call on Saturday.” That was almost true. Agent Blake knew that he would have to retrieve Doctor Griffin, he just didn’t know at what time exactly. “I’ll be back on Friday, we can talk then, if you want, of course.” He wanted to have a conversation with his sister but at the same time he dreaded it, somehow Octavia could feel him lying, covering something up or merely evading questions. She was smart, probably too smart.  
“That’s actually what I was going to propose. I have something important so tell you.” Bellamy’s mind immediately pictured Octavia telling him about her engagement with Lincoln. He already opened his mouth to tell her that she was only twenty four years old and didn’t have to rush things, but Octavia predicted that. “Relax, Bell, it’s not about Lincoln. It’s about work.” She didn’t call him ‘Bell’ in ages, it felt nice, as if they still were the family they once were. Back when their mother was alive, back when he and his sister could just go out, eat frozen yogurt on a Friday evening. Bellamy missed that.  
“That would be great. Text me the place, I think I’ll be free by seven.” He had something even more pleasing than handing off Clarke Griffin to look for at the end of week.  
“I will. See you on Friday.” Bellamy desperately searched for something to ask his sister to prolong their conversation. “And good luck, Bell.” Octavia hanged. That was one of the most civilized conversations that they had in years, something really important must be coming up. He wondered what his sister wanted to tell him. It had nothing to do with Lincoln which ruled out lots of options, Bellamy could guess that it had to do with work. Perhaps Octavia was being promoted, but she was working at the Bureau only a little over a year, she was still a junour special agent though a very promising one.  
Agent Blake remembered how he froze when she said that she was going to follow his footsteps but in the right way as if she wanted to right his wrongs. Why couldn’t she dance? Or paint? Or become a veterinarian? No, Octavia had to become an FBI agent. Bellamy secretly hoped that she would blow off the tests, but in fact Octavia performed great, which made him proud and even more scared.  
Bellamy paced for a while, looked at his watch that showed a quarter to seven and decided that it was time to go. But he let himself lean against the wall, closed his eyes and just enjoy this morning. Except he couldn’t. the sun already rose, there were no people in the parking lot and the morning was quite relaxing, but still Bellamy felt unease, he couldn’t just relax, he had to move.  
“Rise and shine, princess.” Said he as brightly as if he actually meant it, opening the door to their room. Clarke was already awake and dressed, combing her hair and looking at him as if he was an alien.  
“Are you high? Do you know what time is it?” Clarke looked as happy as he felt. Bellamy still wished she just kept silent and pretended that they didn’t have anything in common, however, their yesterday’s conversation proved they did, her file proved that they did. Bellamy understood Clarke in more ways that he cared to admit. She had a lot on her shoulders as did he, she had no one to turn to, as did he. In another life they would probably be glad to have so much common ground, in this one he wanted to be one of those boring FBI agents that cared only about finishing early and having a bear at the local bar. Like Lincoln once said that there are simple people and people like Bellamy. He had way too much baggage and so did Lincoln, maybe that was the reason he didn’t want his partner and his sister to get together. He wanted someone simple and easy for his sister, someone who would lighten her up and not burden with his past. But perhaps agent Blake was just transferring and expected every guy to be as fucked up as him.  
“Having second thoughts? Want to run back to Denver and tell daddy that you screwed up and want a clean slate?” He didn’t actually mean to start their day with a fight, but his feeling about Octavia being a fed flooded him as well as them barely speaking.  
“I loved your colleagues so much more. They were judgmental but at least they kept it to themselves. How old are you? You’re behaving like a five year old.” She rose from bed and crossed the distance between them raging with fury. Like they said, hell hath no fury.  
“I’m thirty one if you are so interested. And, honey, unlike my colleagues I actually don’t judge you and don’t pretend to be nice.” He was calm and cool though he once again had the desire to snap doctor Griffin’s neck. She kept silent for a minute, eyeing him, Bellamy was about to tell her that they have to go when Clarke finally broke silence.  
“Thank you so much.” The blonde crossed her arms, upped her chin. “You act like a three year old, but at least you don’t look at me like I murdered a bunch of people myself.” She acted like she didn’t care about anyone’s opinion, especially not FBI’s but Bellamy could see that it hurt. Right there he felt that it bothered Clarke. “But maybe I did. Not intentionally, I wasn’t behind the trigger at least, but I still didn’t stop it. Maybe I could, maybe I couldn’t, but over all these years I told myself that it didn’t concern me, that it wasn’t on my consciousness. Keep silent. You didn’t see, what you didn’t acknowledge. Just pretend that everything is great. My mother was great at pretending and acting as if everything was coming up roses, I had to learn it the hard way.” What on earth made her open up? He didn’t have the time or the desire to listen to her confession. Bellamy wanted to pretend he didn’t hear Clarke, he just wanted to go and leave the motel room, but in that same moment he wanted to make it easier for Clarke. “I could lie to myself all I want, but old sins cast long shadows. And I will never be truly free and I’m not sure that I want to, how screwed up is that?” Her voice broke and the next minute the blonde was laughing hysterically and trembling. Bellamy would bet a hundred bucks that she was about to have a hysteria and he had no way of preventing it, he didn’t have the instructions to follow in this case, but he couldn’t just stand there. They were both pretending way too long for him to pretend that Clarke was losing it.  
Bellamy made an abrupt step towards Clarke, reducing the little space that was left between them and then he was wrapping his hands around Clarke. She tried to fight off his at first, but eventually gave up and grabbed hold of him as if her life depended on it.  
Agent Blake had no idea what was he doing or where the heck it was all going. Probably to hell, as if he believed in afterlife. But in that moment he knew that would eventually have to choose whether he wants to keep Clarke Griffin safe and sound and as far away from Washington as possible or complete his mission and hand her to Marcus Kane, who would use her. Octavia was right, he shouldn’t have taken the deal, they wouldn’t be here. They would probably still be tight with O and he would have never crossed paths with Clarke Griffin. But they did and he had to choose. But not today. They got to live today.  
Right there, while he was holding trembling Clarke, he came to a realization that everything changed. It wasn’t poetic. It wasn’t love at first sight, for fuck’s sake, he didn’t even like the girl, but she was so desperate and he felt sorry for her. As a human he felt sorry for all the shit that she had to deal with. After all they were just human. He felt her drowning and he felt her will to fight slowly leaving her and he knew that one of these days he would be in her shoes. Of course, if he didn’t catch a bullet before. Maybe he could help her, maybe it would preserve pieces of his soul, maybe he just didn’t want to be responsible for yet another death. Bellamy wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Except one thing.  
His number was up and he knew it.


End file.
